Super Powers

I am a Superhero.

Able to leap tall piles of laundry in a single bound. Armed with x-ray vision, I can see through fake tears, fake coughs, and size 3T pants to reveal the backwards underwear beneath. My super hearing picks up the lightest touch of little feet on the bedroom floor and never misses a middle of the night cry for help, even when only a whisper. The back of my hand is an accurate thermometer, and my lips contain anesthetic properties. I can infuse a bandaid with magical healing abilities.

I am a Superhero.

My super powers let me hide vegetables in any meal and turn the simplest fare into a feast with only a flick of the wrist and a hand holding a magical green jar of parmesan cheese. My precision cutting abilities can create two slices of cake equal to the last crumb. I can do things with a pound of ground beef and a crock pot that boggle the human mind. The grocery budget is my nemesis, but for me it is no match.

I am a Superhero.

My powerful brain can remember snack day, doctor's appointments, birthdays, favourite toys, playdates, friend's names and allergies, the location of every potty within a hundred miles, an endless grocery list and all of the words to the Thomas the Tank Engine Theme Song. I can read minds and know exactly when my decrees have been violated and who was the evil mastermind behind the plot to see how much toilet paper is needed to fill the bowl or gain illegal access to the cookie jar. I know when you are sleeping, and I know when you're awake. I'm Santa Claus. No really, it's actually me who makes Christmas happen. From my magic bag I can pull snacks, clean clothes, tissues and Hot Wheels at a moment's notice.

I am a Superhero.

I need neither sleep, nor food, nor basic hygiene, but only my cup of coffee and the sheer strength of my will to keep going for days on end. My stomach of steel never revolts, even when faced with the most disgusting secretions of the human body. Even when those secretions are in my hair. I can remain in the most uncomfortable positions for ungodly periods of time simply because a child is sleeping. I can not be budged by tantrums nor fooled by lies. I am the Defender of those entrusted to my care even to my dying breath, and I know their every thought, need, and fear.

I am a Superhero. But you can call me Mommy.